Life

It Sounded Like A Good Idea…

Lots of things SOUND like a great idea, but then I get myself into whatever it is, and realize it wasn’t such a great idea after all. Prime example = getting my tubes tied sounded brilliant. The reality? Well, I’ll get to the horror of that in a moment.

Let us start at the beginning. In the beginning, lots of women walked around claiming to love being pregnant. They carried on about it being the best time of their life, their friends exclaimed how they were “glowing,” life was wonderful, and they were so sure they would be sad to see their bump go.

THIS IS A LIE.

I hated being pregnant. I got sick, I was always tired, I felt like a beached whale, and I was generally miserable the entire time.

Nothing about me glowed.

Nothing about me loved waddling around at high speeds, trying to get shit done during my short bursts of energy.

Nothing about me wanted the bump forcing me into perpetual yoga pants to stay  a bump.

I.WAS.MISERABLE.

I could go out on a limb and guess Bill was miserable too, but he as already affirmed this on more than one occasion….and to many people.

I digress. Here is a picture of the end product of the last pregnancy. Totally worth it! (Photograph by Selena Stoney – Newborn Photographer)

liam

When we were sure we were done having our own children (something I was never so sure of as I was when I was in labor both times) Bill and I decided we needed a more permanent method of birth control.

While I acknowledge our VA hospital here is one of the best available, I still don’t feel totally comfortable with a VA doctor near my husbands junk…with a knife.

So I said I would take the bullet (see what I did there? you know, since he’s the Marine…..anyway).

Thursday morning we packed up both kids and headed to the surgery center. I was fully prepared to go in, get my tubes tied, go home, and in a few hours resume my life.

WRONG!

I could not understand why they were making such a big deal about not driving, working, signing important papers, picking up the children, etc etc, until I was waking up from anesthesia. The only way I can describe the pain is it felt like a sumo wrestler had ripped out my girl parts and was jumping on them. At one point the nurse asked me about my pain on the pain scale of one to ten. (I’m dying and she wants me to think of a number between one and ten….seriously???!!!!)

I couldn’t really give her a number because I couldn’t think straight with the pain and the anesthesia, so I told her I had given birth naturally to both my kids and did not need medication, but now I needed ALL the medication. She then gave me some cocktail and I was out like a light again.

I don’t really know how I made it through childbirth without any medication, but a simple 30 minute procedure caused me to need more than one type of pain medication and to have to take some at home.

Bill called my boss and told him I was not going to work my day job on Friday. He was MORE than understanding. I guess he saw me trying to be a badass and already figured I would be out. I did however go to my night job. I supposed I technically went to work the next day, but I did have ample time to rest. Bill was awesome and took care of kids and everything else at home. I did a whole lot of sleeping (and not as much reading as I thought I would with all that time off).

So here we are on Sunday evening. I have so much I wanted to read tonight, and even more I wanted to write, but at 8:07, I’m turning in so I can work tomorrow. If the pain keeps me up tonight, I can think about what a great idea I thought this whole thing would be, and how wrong I really was. In the long run, having your tubes tied is better for someone with endometriosis (which I have had) and I won’t have to remember to take a pill every day, but dang…that shit hurts!

Please remind me of this next time I have another “brilliant” idea….

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Life

Confessions of A Somewhat Okay Mom

I didn’t plan on another post before we left for Illinois, but in the past 24 hours I have had so much happen warranting another blog post, so here we go.

To start, I met a pregnant mother in a store and during casual conversation she confessed she wanted to breastfeed her son (due today) and had difficulty with it with her first. She said she would probably resort to “just pumping” because she feared what people would respond to her feeding in public.

I was heartbroken for her. Breastfeeding can be tough. I had to pump with Talia because of my own anatomy and it was a bitch to do, but I did it for my kid. This mama feels like she will be mom-shamed if she feeds in public!!!

Then today I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post from another Mama. I look up to her. She is an AMAZING woman! Her post revealed she felt like she was “failing at being a working mom.”

This woman actually helped bring Liam into the world. Again, heartbroken. (By the way, she’s NOT failing).

Finally, my father called. He had bad news. This was the one I cried over….. His girlfriend (who we all love) lost her son today to a drug overdose. I can’t imagine the pain she is in, but I promise she is wondering what else she could have done to prevent this…she probably will wonder for the rest of her life, if there was something she could have done.

So aside from the fact I constantly worry about the type of mom I am, I know mama’s need to lift each other up, not bring each other down. For this reason, I am posting a list of some of my more questionable mother moments. I want other mama’s to see this, get a good laugh, and hopefully not call social services on me! We need to remember we are all human, we make mistakes, and it will be okay!

So here it is, in black and white….my confessions as a somewhat okay mama:

  • I once feed Talia mashed potatoes for dinner because I just couldn’t deal with dinner that night. Mashed potatoes….for dinner.
  • I’ve pretended not to see my child lick the glass at a hockey game.
  • One time, I was grocery shopping and had to use the restroom. There was no place to put Talia and I did not want her crawling on the dirty floor. She was young and small….so I put her IN my tote bag and then hung that on the back of the stall door. It worked, and no, I’m not proud.
  • It took about 6 weeks before I realized the green line on the diapers meant Talia needed to be changed. Six weeks.
  • I was so exhausted recently while home with the kids by myself, I seriously considered leaving them with the dogs so I could go to Starbucks. In my defense, Diesel is about to be 18 years old….he should seriously start earning his keep! Also, they were FINALLY asleep and I REALLY needed the caffeine. I obviously did not leave my children home alone….but I REALLY thought about it!
  • Talia climbed up on a toy and it was quite dangerous. I knew I needed to pull her down to safety, but instead of grabbing her, I stopped and took a picture. As I was setting my phone down, she fell and nailed her head on the floor. I don’t know who cried more.
  • I let Talia feed the dogs from her plate when I’m exhausted and know she’s not going to eat it anyway.
  • One brand of gas relief for babies has a black/grey color to it. I used to take the leftover on the feeding syringe and paint a mustache on Talia.
  • Talia is learning to speak but doesn’t quite make whole sentences yet. I was exhausted from the nonsense questions at one point, I called my mother, handed the phone to Talia, and let my mother entertain her.
  • I’ve given my child candy to make her stop crying when daddy had to leave for school….as a meal. It worked.
  • Just this morning I traded Talia her toothbrush (she’s trying to do everything herself now) for a piece of candy. Again, it worked. Yes, I know candy undoes all the brushing.
  • When I need to write and can’t keep Talia’s attention on anything very long, I turn on the TV and use Curious George and The Cat in the Hat as a babysitter.
  • I once asked “for a friend” if I could tape the pacifier to Liam so he stops spitting it out. Apparently it’s a “NO.”
  • I sometimes use a blanket to prop up the bottle so Liam can drink on his own. Again, not all my fault…..Bill started it…
  • Both Bill and I have dipped pacifiers in things like bacon grease (his idea) and buttercream to help the soothing process along.
  • As long as it is used correctly, I usually laugh when my child says “Shit” instead of correcting her. This usually causes her to repeat the offense.
  • I always make sure to have a sippy cup for Talia with me. This way I know she is drinking from something BPA free and clean….then I let Bill give her Mountain Dew or Pepsi. Pick your battles mamas!

There are probably many more moments like this my tired brain is forgetting, but you get the point. Do you have any parenting stories like this or know someone with a good story? Tell us in the comments!