Military Spouse Life

Happy Mother’s Day….Stay Away….

Therapy is in general, a good thing…..right?

Usually.

While Bill and I agreed the couples therapy might not be a great fit for us (and I haven’t bothered to reschedule the last appointment) I start my own today.

I don’t know if I want to go….but I feel like this is the only person I can talk to now….

I have to go because I’ve had this appointment literally two months and it’s just hours away from now. I can’t call and cancel now….but I don’t know if I want to sit and rehash all the crappy stuff that comes along with being a military spouse.

I also feel like, unless this therapist is a military spouse herself, she’s not going to get it.

It’s such a lonely place here…which brings me to living in Illinois.

We’ve been here a year, and while his family is nice (with the exception of  a Mother’s Day incident which literally left me in tears and extremely hurt) they aren’t my “friends.”

The Mother’s Day incident isn’t something I’m really ready to talk about, but Bill drank last week, (of course he says he never will again….) upset my MIL, and she basically told us to stay away from the farm for the weekend….on Mother’s Day……you know since we moved all the way here to be close to them. Talk about heartbreak. She also sent it in the form of a text. I was shocked and probably spent three hours crying about it. I know my husband was in the wrong, but I’m dealing with his behavior every day, and being pushed away doesn’t help. They really just ignore his PTSD and don’t seem to understand.

So a new movie is out. Book Club starts some of my favorite actresses (I’m not sure how Jane Fonda still get’s roles….she stinks and she kind of ruins the all-star cast). The movie looks great, and Bill tells me to go see it. The reality is, I literally have no one here I can ask to go with me. How sad it that?

Between taking care of VA appointments/medical appointments for Bill, taking care of kids, and working, I’ve made no real friends I can just text and say “Want to see this movie?”

So instead of going by myself (I just have no interest in that), I’ll spend today working for the hockey team, and then I’ll work on my own book.

While it’s nice to work on accomplishing my own goals, it still stinks to be so far from anywhere I’ve ever called home, and not have someone I can do anything with (as far as friends). I also think it’s a little sad I’m about to go tell all this to a complete stranger at the Vet Center.

This life is so lonely. Being a military spouse is extremely hard, and it’s making for a long @$$ summer.

What are your struggles as a military spouse? If you’re not a military spouse, do you know any you can reach out to? Sometimes it might be just what they need!

 

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Writing & Publishing

Why I Write

There is a Facebook group for everything now. Of course I belong to several writing groups, which I usually end up un-following because people complain so much or I don’t feel I am getting anything from the group. Today I stumbled across a post on a group I just joined and I was shocked by what I saw. The topic of discussion was basically how to get rich quick off writing novels…

I’m sorry, what?

Unless your last name is King or Rowling, you, my currently unpublished friend, have a long road ahead of you. Also, you’re most likely never going to be on easy street.

True, writers CAN make a lot of money, but it’s unusual. I thought about why I write….no it’s not for the money. Anyway, here are a few reasons:

  • I HAVE to write. I had an interest in writing at a young age, and I think about it daily. When I was running the bakery, I hated not having time to write. It ate at me daily and I felt incomplete. I had stories in my head needing out, and no time to write them down.
  • I have a story to tell. My own story is not yet book-worthy (hence this blog) but I imagine characters and the stories they would tell if they could. I like the approach of “not everything has a happy ending.” I think too many books out there end with “happily ever after” so I like writing about reality. Prince Charming doesn’t always win the girl.
  • My characters drive me nuts! Sometimes I forget the characters I develop in my head are not real. No, I don’t need to discuss this with my therapist (though I’m sure she would get a kick out of it!) but these people I invent are important to me. They have a story to be told, and I want to do them justice and see it through. Because my fiction usually deals with injustice (such as sex slavery/trafficking) I feel I need to tell their story to raise awareness of the issues I find bothersome.
  • It’s a form of therapy. For many people, writing is therapeutic. I deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. Most days I do well, but there are some days I need to do something to get through the rough patches. Burying myself in writing helps get my mind off the depression. While some people may need to write letters to people they may never send (which is actually a GREAT therapy) I just need to work on one of my writing projects.
  • I want my kids to know they can do anything they set their minds to do. Writing a novel is something a lot of people talk about. It’s a “one day” type of activity…. “One day, I’ll write a novel.” For me, I’ve written a novel and am working on publishing it. I want my children to see they can do whatever they want and to be proactive about completing the project. Publishing is something I’ve wanted to do since I can remember.
  • If I didn’t write, I would face even more depression. I think a lot of the stress felt while I ran my own business was because I had no time for me and the things I like to do. It started to eat at me after awhile and affected other parts of my life. Sure, I’m sad to have closed the bakery because when I wasn’t stressed, I enjoyed being creative in the kitchen….but I’m much happier being creative on paper!
  • It’s who I am! Unlike many people who identify with their job (i.e. an accountant who became an accountant because it pays the bills) a writer is who I am. I can’t separate it from the rest of me. Just like Bill (hubby) is a Marine, and will be for life, even though he is no longer active duty, he is always a Marine!

No where on this list do I list fame and fortune as part of why I write. Yes, I have made good money copywriting, yes I would like to see some return on my time for writing my novel, but it’s not WHY I have to do it.

What is your passion? Is it writing? Soap making? Hunting? Why do you do it? I really feel as though doing something for the money, fame, and fortune puts you on the wrong track! Tell us what you think in the comments.